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Category Archives: Life

Never have I wrote two blog posts in such quick succession, never have I had so much to get off my chest in such a short space of time. But here I am…

What was 2 tough weeks has led to a third nightmare week.

I accompanied my wife to the Early Pregnancy Unit so that she can have her medication, which tells the body to miscarry the undeveloped baby. We knew this was happening after our last appointment, but devastating nevertheless. We cleared our diaries for the weekend to allow her body to do whatever it needs to do and to give her some rest.

The day prior to this, I received a message from my dad. My aunt suffered a stroke and is unlikely to survive. She passed away later that evening. I was coping with the loss of our unborn child, but now this, I was beyond devastated. My lovely aunt who was more like an older sister. The last time I saw her was the day of my wedding and now she’s gone, taken from us too early. The amount of pain and suffering my cousins were experiencing was apparent. Seeing all their Facebook posts was too much to take.

Then, I received another message. Another one of my cousins has just lost her mother, losing her long battle with cancer. The message included funeral details, obviously planned well in advance. Does that make it easier? Knowing that it’s the final days you get to spend with a family member, knowing that you need to cherish these final moments. Surely that’s better than not even having the chance to say goodbye. Either way, heartbreaking.

So in 4 days, the Chan family suffered 3 losses. My aunts had the chance of watching their kids grow up and have kids of their own. My child on the other hand, didn’t even get the chance to see the light of day, to take their first breathe.

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The past couple of weeks have been tough, I mean really tough. Of course, a busy financial year end at work is a given. There’s no getting away from the deadlines at such an important time of the year. Having to deal with all the last minute decisions and errors people have made, can be extremely stressful.

However, Liverpool beating Manchester City in the Champions League quarter finals has kept me up beat. Getting through the tie against all odds, against the newly crowned Premier League champions. Nobody thought it was possible. And tonight, they have one foot in the final by beating Roma 5-2 at home. How often do you feel disappointed when only winning 5-2 after conceding 2 late goals?

But on this very same day, my wife has been diagnosed with a blighted ovum, which will result in an early miscarriage. After some complications 2 weeks ago, the initial scan was inconclusive. Returning for a second scan today, we learnt that the pregnancy has not progressed. Devastation. Heartbreak.

I know nothing will make up for the loss of our child, but should I be concentrating on the positives in life? I would never choose Liverpool winning a trophy over my child, but now that fatherhood is on hold, should I at least be slightly happy that I have something to look forward to and be excited about.

One thing I have learnt from being a Liverpool fan, nothing is ever easy. We will for sure keep trying and I know that I’ll never walk alone…

Today is one of the saddest days of my life, as my uncle was laid to rest. This is the first time I have experienced the death of a close family member… close as in having spent time with them, growing close to them.

I know that death is a part of the circle of life and I am really trying to not think of how he died, but of how he lived… and there is one particular occasion that springs to mind.

Whenever I visited Hong Kong in my younger days, we would go bearing gifts to our family and I was always asked to get one for my cousin; more often than not I would get him a football shirt. One time, his father (my uncle) asked me why he never got one… I don’t remember how I responded and I don’t remember whether I ever bought him one in the following years, but all I do know is that I no longer have the chance.

I never really talked to him about football so I don’t know who he supported, he gave me the impression that he was a fan of football in general; but I do seem to remember that he “liked” Liverpool back then… so all I can do now is hope that they can win the FA Cup for him in two weeks time.

I have lots of family in Hong Kong but my uncle always made the effort to spend time with us whenever we visited; going to the beach, getting a bite to eat, trips to China and Macau… this is what I will remember him for.

My uncle was a happy person, always smiling… always laughing; and this is how I want to live my life.

RIP